Tag Archives: david-b-hayes

Guest Posts (1)

I’ve recently arrived in Seattle and over the com­ing two weeks will be slowly mak­ing my way down to San Fran­cisco. I’m on hol­i­day; life is good.

I’m aware that things have been quiet around here lately, so as a pre­lude to the “return” of Lone Gun­man I’ve got a couple of fine guest writers lined up while I’m away.

For the com­ing week your host is dav­id (b) hayes.

Dav­id recently got his own tag here on Lone Gun­man thanks to his won­der­ful post, Why You Hate Your Face­book Friends [LG]. How­ever it’s Dav­id’s linkblog, Link Banana, which has made the most impact here as it’s been the source of many of my favour­ite posts over the last few years.

His long form blog, Frozen Tooth­paste, is anoth­er a favour­ite read of mine. Of course, Dav­id is also on Twit­ter so fol­low him here.

Join me in wel­com­ing Dav­id by leav­ing com­ments on his posts.

Thanks to Dav­id and to you.

Advantages of Internet Friendships

The meth­ods through which we cre­ate and main­tain rela­tion­ships are con­stantly chan­ging, with recent dec­ades boost­ing the move from a purely loc­a­tion-based mod­el to one where rela­tion­ships can spawn and devel­op remotely, thanks to the Inter­net (and, to a less­er degree, the tele­phone and mail sys­tems). How­ever, while this new way of cre­at­ing and main­tain­ing rela­tion­ships has dis­tinct advant­ages over the ‘tra­di­tion­al’ concept of loc­a­tion-based friend­ship cre­ation, many per­ceive it as inferi­or.

Tak­ing his cue from a quote that did the rounds on Twit­ter last year–Twit­ter makes me like people I’ve nev­er met and Face­book makes me hate people I know in real life–Dav­id Hayes attempts to shed light on the advant­ages of Inter­net-ori­gin­at­ing rela­tion­ships by per­fectly describ­ing the way friend­ship cre­ation has evolved over time (by means of describ­ing the con­straints to doing so). The con­clu­sion echoes my sen­ti­ments exactly:

I view the high­er value placed on place-ori­gin­at­ing (or “real-life”) friend­ships as wrong­headed. It seems only logic­al to me that it is bet­ter to build your rela­tion­ships from a pool of people who speak your lan­guage and have sim­il­ar soft-qual­it­ies to you, than to attempt to start from a geo­graph­ic­ally con­strained group and then attempt to find soft-qual­ity matches in a face-to-face series of inter­ac­tions. This is fun­da­ment­ally what the inter­net allows: the friend­ship pro­cess to start from a set of com­mon­al­it­ies around soft attrib­utes, and then poten­tially aim for geo­graph­ic match­ing. This is the oppos­ite of the stand­ard pro­cess, but cer­tainly the one more likely to yield deep and long-last­ing rela­tion­ships.

Inter­est­ingly, even though our only com­mu­nic­a­tion has been through numer­ous back­links and a couple of tweets, I would­n’t hes­it­ate in call­ing Dav­id a friend. Most likely, the major­ity of my Face­book friends (i.e. my phys­ic­al world ori­gin­at­ing friends) would not under­stand this.