My Ideal Parenting Model
When Mom and Dad Share It All is a New York Times cover story on gender and parenting. A great story with greater insights, this paragraph sums up how I hope my future would be:
They would create their own model, one in which they were parenting partners. Equals and peers. They would work equal hours, spend equal time with their children, take equal responsibility for their home. Neither would be the keeper of the mental to-do lists; neither of their careers would take precedence. Both would be equally likely to plan a birthday party or know that the car needs oil or miss work for a sick child or remember (without prompting) to stop at the store for diapers and milk. They understood that this would mean recalibrating their career ambitions, and probably their income.
It doesn’t sound easy, and in reality it’s harder again.
1 Comment
Part of the reason I think this is going too far is that it ignores any pre-existing differences in personality and interest between partners.
My wife and I have 3 small children (5 year old twins and a 2 year old daughter) and we share a great deal of the parenting. When I was in graduate school, we would almost tag team, where I went in mornings, and she worked afternoons, or days of the week. But it made more sense for me to do some things and her to do some things (she enjoys cooking, for example, my dad was a contractor so I have other skills).
The couples in the Times all spent so much tracking their tasks that it just seemed to me to sap the trust and respect for each other’s differences.